61069

Joke of the Day

"Who decided to call it a proctologist and not an analyst?"

"How was the red sea made? Over a very long period."

"You say tomato, I say that's a weird thing to say for no reason. We were just sitting here quietly, and you're all ""tomato."" You can leave."

"My boss asked if I accomplished my years resolution Nope, I'm still working here"

"Attention Netflix and Chill has been replaced The new thing is Cookies and Dick...that is all"

"My mother said today, ""I'm always alright as long as I'm taking that D."" She was referring to vitamin D."

"I recently stopped sending monthly payments to my exorcist... Because of that my house was repossessed"

"I woke up hungover but couldn't make myself throw up. So I guess I have a lotta shit to deal with today."

"When my wife pisses me off, I get on her Pinterest and pin lots of mediocre shit, like cupcakes that just look like cupcakes."

"Today a preacher told me that Jesus died for me, it made feel feel horrible.... I didn't even know the poor guy was sick!"