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Joke of the Day

"My mother said today, ""I'm always alright as long as I'm taking that D."" She was referring to vitamin D."

"My dad told me most huge mistakes take only 5 seconds to occur And there I was 9 months later"

"""Four, five, six, one, two, three, seven, eight, nine, ten! Coming, ready or not!"" George Lucas playing hide and seek"

"Q: What is 74 to a blonde? A: 69 plus VAT"

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb YOU DONT KNOW MAN! YOU WERENT THERE!! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE!!!"

"Difference between your wife and the economy? 5 years later, the economy will still suck."

"My neighbors thought the tombstones in my yard were festive until they saw their pets' names scrawled on them."

"What's the British equivalent to hit it and quit it. Bang her and dash."

"Sometimes I feel like a pelican Whichever way I look, I can see a huge bill.."

"How many Patriots fans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They're fine sucking each other's dicks in the dark. Preemptive edit: Not my joke."