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Joke of the Day

"I don't watch soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes, I would take my friends to the bar."

"A steak pun... ... is a rare medium well done."

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

"welcome back to guitar 101 everybody. what now, steve? uh, hey. are you gonna make the 'snapped my g-string' joke? no *steve leaves*"

"Marriage is like a hand of cards... You start off with two hearts and a diamond and end up wishing for clubs and a spade."

"It's bad enough I have to worry about people when I leave my house now I have to contend with Pokemon as well"

"I like my coffee like I like my men Black and shot twice"

"I see dead people. Well actually they're stupid people, but give me a few minutes"

"What does a terrorist in Antarctica say? Allahu Akburrrrrr"

"How many Surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish."