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Joke of the Day

"I get caught zipping my pants up while standing beside the turkey just one time, and suddenly she never needs help in the kitchen anymore"

"Did you hear about Elon Musk's X in Virginia? They had a firey start, then a major break up."

"What's the main ingredient when making pickle bread? Dill dough."

"WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU MIX A RETARD AND A FUCKHEAD? AN AMERICAN! YOU GET AN AMERICAN!"

"Lemonade Stand At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."

"Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it."

"When I was young, losing teeth would earn me money. Now I'm old, earning money will gain me teeth."

"My fourth grade teacher told me I would use cursive at least once a week, but she was wrong. I use it every day when food is delivered to my house."

"sometimes I fill up my bathtub with spaghetti sauce and sit in it and pretend I'm a meatball"

"There's nothing worse when I bring a girl home from a bar and she's in still in my bed the next morning That's when the smell of a corpse really begins to take effect"