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Joke of the Day

"""Inside Amy Schumer"" is funny... As it's a show I never wish to watch, and a place I never wish to be."

"What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET? ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits, had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!"

"Why don't prostitutes vote? They don't care who gets in"

"Just ripped a fart that sounded like someone sneezing while submerged in pudding."

"My wife told me she'll leave me if I go blind. I guess I'll just have to see."

"How does a Gorilla become another animal? When a Mafia don hires a 'big Gorilla' to be his bodyguard and the big Ape goes to the cops and turns into a stool pigeon!"

"TV sitcom idea: Wacky copy editor who yells ""nailed it!"" even when he didn't, also he's alone as mankind was obliterated by a viral pandemic"

"Apart from designers, what profession is the best at making clothes? Biologists, they work with genes all the time."

"Q: What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised? A: When you get a divorce you get rid of the whole prick!"

"It's only a problem if others know about it.... *Sweeps problems under rug*"