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Joke of the Day

"'How I Met Your Mother'- is definitely The longest TED talk ever!"

"I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they're going to expire in 2017."

"Seems like my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair."

"Did you hear about the nudists that attempted to forcefully take over a local beach? It was roundly condemned as a case of naked aggression."

"ISIS is really the worst... ... we should bomb them back to the -- whoops, never mind."

"LunchablesTM? huge waste of money! I have my kids mill their own wheat then hunt, kill & field strip a wild bologna"

"Just want to point out the NRA's plan to stop school shootings is literally the plot of Kindergarten Cop."

"What do you call the student with the best overall average in a graduating class at an all girl's school? vulvavictorian"

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you."

"At willcall for a concert, I start a conversation with the lady in front of me. It was the first time I had used a pick up line to talk to a woman."