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Joke of the Day

"What is an Italian's favorite type of breakfast? *Serie-a*l"

"I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes"

"We need to protect this country! The U.S. needs to stop these Chinese terrorists from crossing the border and spreading Ebola!"

"My flight doesn't have wifi so I'm just gonna hit the call button and tell the flight attendant every time I think of something amusing."

"One of the girls in the office where I work is going to be having a baby. I just haven't decided which one yet."

"Knock knock Who's there A gorgon. A gorgon who? 420 gaze it. Geddit. Because then you'd be stoned? Okay, sorry I'll leave."

"Everyone: Why don't you have kids? *points to dead cactus*"

"People always demand to know who farted as if they'll decide how disgusted to be based on who's responsible."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I've never paid to see a lentil."

"I've been trying to figure out why I overslept today. Just realized drunk me set my calculator for $7.30."