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Joke of the Day

"[1st day as undercover cop] *approaches drugdealer* Me: ""Yes hello I'd like to purchase one crack and two marijuanas please!"" *gets stabbed*"

"I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes."

"What is the common trait between men and snow? You don't know how many centimeters you'll get, neither how long will it last."

"Why do they call it ""Ben Folds Five""? Because he folds five penises and puts them into little drawers!"

"If a regular frog says ""ribbit,"" what does a horny frog say? ""Rubbit."""

"Hooters finally hired me but I have to wear a smock to cover up my weird nipples"

"Lost my Droid for an hour. The day I lost my daughter at the zoo is now the second most terrifying experience of my life."

"My Acquaintance said he'd make a better electrician than me. I told that cunt I wouldn't be too phased."

"""Excuse me miss, can I have the time? I'd check my watch but I can't take my eyes off you."""

"What do you call a loud Trump supporter? A Trumpet."