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Joke of the Day

"My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it's gone."

"Did you hear about the porn star who got jizz in her eye during a scene? She didn't see that one coming."

"Thou shalt not commit adulthood"

"And then alcohol said ""Put that on facebook, it's hilarious."" But alcohol was wrong. So very wrong."

"All these fireworks and still my girlfriend has the shortest fuse."

"What's the worst part of going to a southern family reunion? Seeing your ex."

"Somewhere right now, a girl just uploaded a picture of herself saying ""Not looking good today"" after deleting the first 50 pictures she took"

"Me: How are you? Coworker: I can't complain. Me: *sticks finger in his coffee* Coworker: I just paid for that! Me: I knew you were lying."

"What is the difference between Feminist, Hitler, and Elizabeth Bathory Feminist with accomplish nothing before dying."

"Something on Valentines Day I just don't get... Laid."