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Joke of the Day

"My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it's gone."

"I swear I can stare at my girl for hours and not say a word. It's so fucking difficult with this restraining order to have a good conversation."

"A group of chimpanzees walking out of a Banana Republic is called ""disappointed"" Except for Charlie there, who scored a nice sundress."

"There's only one problem with your face, I can see it."

"What do you call two gay Irishmen? Michael Fitzpatrick...and Patrick Fitzmichael"

"Do Russia and Uganda realize if they put all their gay people in jail then jail will become the nicest part of their country?"

"What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!"

"She once called me bae so I had to baeurry her in my backyard.."

"Why don't pedophiles ever win marathons? They're always coming in a little behind."

"Which snakes are found on cars? Windscreen vipers."