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Joke of the Day

"And then alcohol said ""Put that on facebook, it's hilarious."" But alcohol was wrong. So very wrong."

"How did the doctor determine that the baby was affected by the Zika virus? It was a no brainer."

"Do you know why one side of the the V formation of geese in flight is longer than the other side? Because It has more geese in it!"

"I just put my D in a subwoofer and wubbed one out"

"""YOLNT"" -Cats"

"""They're like a sponge at this age"" I say to the parents of the baby I'm using to scrub dishes with."

"Clint Eastwood walks into a bar... The barman says ""What would you like?"" And Clint Eastwood says ""A Dirty Harry"""

"Two cashews walk into a bar... The Bartender says ""How about a glass of our most expensive wine?"" The Cashews reply, ""Do you think we're Nuts?!"""

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, glass ceilings don't have light bulbs."

"My mother-in-law's coming,,,,, I had to clear out half my closet so she has a place to hang upside down and sleep"