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Joke of the Day

"Why is the US so much better at the accurate placement of round objects than Japan? We had two practices in 1945"

"[movie night] Her: Can I pick tonight? Me: You picked last time and it was horrible Her: WE WATCHED OUR WEDDING VIDEO"

"Did you hear about the vampire who joined an orchestra? He stood on the roof and conducted lightning."

"Did you hear about the sheep who committed suicide before they could sheer him? He died in the wool."

"OLD MAN: I fought in WWII ME: Oh yeah? What was your kill:death ratio OLD MAN: what ME: Can you rocket jump? OLD MAN: I wish Hitler had won"

"[Watching boxing] Sure bro, I watch boxing all the ti- HEY DID YOU SEE WHAT HE JUST DID?! HE JUST PUNCHED THAT GUY! SOMEONE CALL THE COPS!"

"Nascar Rain I think if NASCAR would quit being sponsored by the movie Noah we wouldn't have so much rain on race day :)"

"What do Boobs and Lego have in common? Both are intended for children, but it's the Dads who end up playing with them most."

"What do Italians eat on Halloween? fettucine afraid-o"

"Statistics show that 1 in 20 of us live next door to a paedo... ...not me though, I live next door to two stunning 8 year olds."