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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the vampire who joined an orchestra? He stood on the roof and conducted lightning."

"'babe, i'm ready' -says my wife, from the bedroom 'be right there' -i say from the bathroom, trying furiously to untangle my yo-yo string"

"*whispers softly* ""...is there a King Latifa"""

"What do a Harvard lawyer and a Yale lawyer have in common? They both got accepted to Yale."

"Why did the Amish girl get kicked out of the community? Too Mennonite."

"What do you call a T-Rex with a bomb strapped to it's chest? Dinomite"

"When I first met your mom, I fell in love with her because she had a kind face... The kind of face I want to fuck the shit out of!"

"What do you call Mussolini's flying saucer? A dictator ship."

"Witness protection, but for men who have accidentally told a woman she looks tired"

"[stand-up comic bombing] Comic: I guess I can tell you my joke about ghosts Audience: BOOOOOO! Comic: Oh ok you've heard that one before."