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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the sheep who committed suicide before they could sheer him? He died in the wool."

"Vacationing in Switzerland ""So did you enjoy the beautiful scenery?"" ""I couldn't really see much because of the mountains."""

"What do landfills and hookers have in common? Uncovered loads cost double"

"I'm not saying I can perform miracles or anything, but when the Taco Bell employee isn't looking, I can turn water into Sprite."

"Apparently Mr. Skeltal joined the band Imagine Dragons. I heard they were going back to their doots."

"If chick-fil-a ever merged with five guys, what would they could call themselves? five-guys-fil-a-chick"

"I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now i can't find him."

"What do you call a gorilla that's a member of a terrorist organization? Boko Harambe"

"How girls put on their pants: *Left leg* *Right leg* *Wiggle* *Wiggle* *Jump* *Jump* *Squat* *Stretch* Done.."

"I tell my daughter she has no idea how lucky she is. When I was 12, I had to use a pay phone and walk 10 miles in the snow to get weed"