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Joke of the Day

"A motorist was pulled over by a traffic cop. ""Excuse me, sir,"" said the cop. ""Do you realize your wife fell out of the car two miles back?"" ""Thank God,"" he said. ""I thought I'd gone deaf!"""

Next Joke
 
"I contacted Screwfix the other day. Once again they have assured me they're not a dating agency."
"the series finale of Game of Thrones will be the camera pulling back & revealing it was a snowglobe and the owner is watching sports instead"
"What do pedophiles and rappers have incommon They both like da booty"
"What is meant by 'a pull factor'? A big red sports car."
"It's funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my brother sleeps on his back, my ex sleeps with everybody... that sorta thing."
"I'll stab someone if they hurt my kids. Or touch my nachos."
"Job interview Interviewer: What is your greatest weakness? Me: I'm brutally honest. Interviewer: I don't think it's a weakness at all. Me: I don't give a fuck what you think."
"I've just text my new girlfriend that I'm into all sorts of douchebaggery. Autocorrect clearly has a different idea on what debauchery is."
"Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He was dead."