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Joke of the Day

"the series finale of Game of Thrones will be the camera pulling back & revealing it was a snowglobe and the owner is watching sports instead"

"Oh nothing, just editing this agreement. And by editing, I mean writing ""ool J"" after every mention of an LLC."

"What do you call an antelope that's really bad at being an antelope? A cantelope."

"*pretends to throw ball* *dog runs to chase it* Ha, stupid dog. *dog keeps running, disappears over horizon* Um *dog tackles me from behind*"

"Grandma used to say ""Respect yourself & others will too,"" but she also used to say ""Damn N*ggers,"" so I don't know what to believe :("

"A neutron walks into a bar... He sits down and orders a drink. When he finishes drinking, he pulls out his wallet and say to the Bartender, ""How much?"" The Bartender says, ""For you? No charge."""

"Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol."

"Dear Autocorrect, She's an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I'm never getting laid."

"Why don't native Americans like snow? Because it's white and all over their land."

"As a man in his 70s I still manage to have sex with my wife almost every day... Almost Monday, almost Tuesday...."