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Joke of the Day

"Damn girl, are you the wife of a convict serving a long term in a federal penitentiary? Because you left before I even finished my sentence"

"What would LMFAO's hit song be called if they were Russian? ""I'm Slavic and I know it"""

"Ringling Bros. circus introduces the first female ringleader in 134 years! And now they're going out of business."

"When I die, I'm donating my body to Simons. I tell this to every Simon I meet. So far, they're not into it"

"Did you hear about that guy who had his penis enlarged? He's much cockier now."

"2 prostitutes are standing on a corner One looks to the other and says ""you ever been picked up by the fuzz"" The other says ""No, but I have been swung around by the tits"""

"Did you hear about the competition for the world's best Tie? There was no clear winner."

"So, I've recently started a whiskey diet... I've lost three days already."

"Did you hear about the time Stevie Wonder got a cheese grater for Christmas? He said it was the most violent book he'd ever read."

"If a car is stuck in a tree with its headlights on, how many pancakes does it take to get to the moon? Zero! Snakes don't have armpits!"