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Joke of the Day

"If a car is stuck in a tree with its headlights on, how many pancakes does it take to get to the moon? Zero! Snakes don't have armpits!"

"Woman: Why are you begging for a quarter? Beggar: I didn't think someone like you would give me a dollar."

"Can we all agree the biggest balls belong to the first person to set up a tip jar at Starbucks?"

"Nice try traffic, but I'm not murdering anyone today."

"How many ears does Spock have? Three. A right ear, a left ear, and a final frontier."

"What do you call a baby born feet first? a c-section."

"I like my women like I like my coffee. Hot af, overpriced and all over me within 30 seconds of getting in the car."

"So a kid starts cussing in Social Studies class Another kid hears it and tells the teacher. Teacher confronts kid, saying ""Tom says you were swearing.."" Kid replies, ""That's fucking bullshit!"""

"Why did helium get into a fight with neon? They can't bond with each other, no matter how hard they try."

"What dogs never get lost? Newfound-lands!"