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Joke of the Day

"ISIS frequently takes credit for random attacks even when they had nothing to do with them, making ISIS basically the Fat Jew of terrorism"

"what do you call that sensitive part in a woman's ass which when stimulated arouses her? shitoris"

"TIL You can stimulate your prostate outside just get out there and do it."

"What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs hanging over a window? Kurt and Rod"

"I'm sick of people knocking on my door, begging. There's just been a woman asking for donations for a sperm bank........ I gave her a right fcuking mouthful."

"[at zoo] Kids, here we have reptiles. Reptiles are cold-blooded. This means they rely on external heat and often answer texts with just a K."

"I eat mushrooms for petit dejeuner. It's the breakfast of champignons."

"ME: *holding my crying newborn son* There. There. I ALSO find myself very upsetting."

"If the United States government had a reality TV show... It would be called House of Tards."

"Facebook's ""People you may know"" should be called, ""People you definitely know and have been avoiding""."