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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"I would make an awesome panda because I too excel at looking adorable while doing nothing."

"Me: This painting really speaks to me. Mona Lisa: You do way too many drugs."

"how did the gamete get rich? because sex cells... Thank you thank you i'll be here all week."

"Hey, bus driver... Would you stop and let me and my friend, Jack off?"

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer today They must have been laced or something cause I've been trippin all day."

"""Science HAS gone too far,"" I whisper, gazing out across the sea of boneless chickens slithering through the farmyard. The Colonel laughs."

"""Brokeback Mountain"" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard."

"What do call an epileptic person in a cabbage patch? Caeser salad."

"What would LMFAO's hit song be called if they were Russian? ""I'm Slavic and I know it"""