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Joke of the Day

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer today They must have been laced or something cause I've been trippin all day."

"Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell she says""DING!"""

"What's the difference between a Priest and Acne? Acne waits until you're 13 to come on your face"

"""Your resume lists the skills 'poor timing' & 'awkward'?"" Can I have a raise? ""We haven't hired you."" Oh. You're very handsome. ""I see."""

"Are your parents retarded? ...because you're one special lady!"

"I saw a fight in the chip shop the other day... Two fish got battered."

"At one time I had majority ownership shares in the UK top BBQ company. Somedays I wish I never sold my stake."

"One of my stuffed animals just told me I should get back on my meds, I guess someone doesn't want to be part of tea party club anymore."

"What do you call someone who gets sexually excited by the American Standard Code for Information Interchange? An ASCIIphile."

"""Here kitty, kitty, kitty"" - me, drunk, about to get bit by a raccoon"