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Joke of the Day

"""Brokeback Mountain"" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard."

"ME: I need to pee really bad TEACHER: can you hold it? ME: probably not. my hands aren't very good at retaining liquid"

"Who are the fastest readers in the world? 9/11 victims. They went through 110 stories in 10 seconds."

"I can accomplish great things if I apply myself... At least that's what a high school guidance counselor with a shit job and a bottle of whiskey in his desk told me once."

"Why do Women rub their eyes when they wake up? (NSFW) A: They don't have balls to scratch!!"

"Step1) Buy 100 cans of tuna Step2) Drain the cans into a bucket Step3) Soak ur cloths in the tuna water Step4) Go outside & get all the cats"

"A police officer sees a kid on the street.. He says, ""Its getting late kid, shouldn't you be getting back to the orphanage?"" Kid says, ""I guess so, what gave me away?"" ""Your parents did."""

"I'm a lawyer for an Orthodontist He's got me on retainer."

"You'r mum... ...is so **poor** she can't even pay attetntion."

"Me and my girlfriend tried anal the other night... Me and my girlfriend tried anal the other night for the first time. didn't go so well. no idea how my ass is supposed to fit inside her vagina..."