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Joke of the Day

"Misfortune Cookie After finishing our Chinese food, my husband and I cracked open our fortune cookies. Mine read, ""Be quiet for a little while."" His read, ""Talk while you have a chance."""

"Q3: What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? A: Try Sara's Tops"

"I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised."

"First thing on my bucket list is to jump off a cliff and the rest are just tricks I'll do in the air."

"I hope I never have more than one kid because the urge to superglue two children together is a crippling desire I struggle against everyday."

"Why was the nerd not late for class? ...He booked it."

"Guess What? Chicken Butt."

"Idea: Like Google Glass, but a necklace or something that projects a website onto the face of the person talking to you."

"There's a queue for the whore house. A guy walks up, fists flying... ... He punches up the fuckline."

"What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Get in the Batmobile Robin."