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Joke of the Day

"There's a queue for the whore house. A guy walks up, fists flying... ... He punches up the fuckline."

"What kind of shoes do pedophiles wear? A: White Vans."

"Why can kangaroos jump higher than a house? Because a house can't jump."

"If she says, ""I'm OK,"" you're fine. If she says, ""I'm Fine,"" You're not OK."

"1984 is a great work of literature. I think all kids should be forced to read it."

"Remember--the only thing standing between you and your dreams is your appearance, lack of talent, and general personality."

"Twas the night before Christmas, all through the house not a creature was stirring not even my vodka martini because it's shaken not stirred"

"The circles under my eyes are so dark, Animal Planet is following me around filming a documentary about a raccoon out of its natural habitat"

"There are 10 types of people in the world Those who understand binary, and those who don't... ^^[BADUM'TSS](http://trommelyd.no/)"

"Can I borrow your cellphone? I need to call animal control cause I just saw a fox!"