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Joke of the Day

"When I order a burrito with a coffee in my hand, I imagine the cashier is thinking ""Wow, this guy must really love to shit!"""

"Wife: Whatya doin? Me: I fixed the toilet so I'm adding Potty Fixer to my resume W: You mean Plumber? M: DO I LOOK LIKE A HOUSE SCIENTIST?"

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy in the morning... And some times I just let her sleep in."

"Why isn't there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood."

"Why didn't Zeke get that job at the KFC off the interstate? He thought they'd want to hear that back at the farm, he likes doin' chickens right also."

"Wife: did you know there's an ""I hate Jeff"" group that meets in the park? Me: yes I started it I am the president"

"What color is a chameleon on a mirror?"

"Did you hear about the man who got the left side of his body blown up? he's all right"

"My husband is so weird He always listens to me for an hour and a half, but then he turns off the tv, and leaves, telling me the match ended."

"What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run like hell, 'cause she's got a grenade in her mouth."