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Joke of the Day

"[If my dog could talk] DUDE, IT'S BEEN 9 YEARS. I GET IT. I'M A GOOD BOY"

"How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down"

"Wish there was a pill I could put in a girl's drink, that would make her do my taxes."

"President Obama to rename the White House"

"Had to have ""the talk"" with my 5yr old. He asked me where sandwiches come from."

"Caught my co-worker MICROWAVING a HOT DOG with a SLICE of AMERICAN CHEESE on it. Don't worry I pushed him out a window."

"What made the New Mexican sad? He was out of meth."

"I'd like to propose a toast... To burning bread. Will you marry me?"

"[interview after finishing last in the olympics] do you regret saying ""I could win this race wearing flip flops"" [pulls mic close] yes"

"This Joke is so Top Secret... Iii iiiiiiiii ii Iiii Iiii Ii Ii Ii III. The punchline is Eyes Only"