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Joke of the Day

"I'm not saying I hate you, I'm just saying that if you got hit by a bus, I would be driving that bus."

"Me: You say all the right things. Her: I didn't say anything. Me: Shhh Don't ruin this for me."

"Open your eyes, people! The Three Little Pigs was written by bricklayers."

"Q: Did you hear the slogan for the the new ""Stealth Condom?"" A: ""They'll never see you coming."""

"Which religion breeds terrorism the most? Not Islam"

"My iPhone auto-corrected ""wish you were here"" to ""wish you were beer"" and I sent it anyways."

"What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra? The bull has the horns in front and the asshole in the back."

"dad, we have ants on the counter! Hey, some of them are uncles, moms, and dads. (Thanks dad)"

"What's the name of a musical collaboration between Shia LaBeouf and a Judge? A just duet."

"The past, the present and the future walked into a bar It was tense"