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Joke of the Day

"While texting a girl she told me ""I'm board"" so I stopped seeing her. I wasn't offended. I just don't date wood. Or people who can't spell."

"[time traveler returns home to 1881] guys i forgot to grab the cure for malaria but here's some...DORITOS LOCOS TACOS [loud cheering]"

"Two friends were walking down the road, won took a crap and shit slid out. Her friend said that aint shit that my cunt"

"All toilet seats can be heated toilet seats if you push people off them and sit real fast."

"My favorite knock knock joke ""Knock knock"" ""Who's there"" ""I eat mop"" ""I eat mop who?"" *Laughter and pointing*"

"Why are so many men suddenly curious who my father is right in the middle of our lovemaking?"

"When is a pentagon not a pentagon? When it's intercepted by a separate plane."

"I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey..... But then I turned myself around."

"I'm really good in bed. When you compare it to how fucking awful I am out of it."

"The right man will love you unconditionally, will be loyal, and will always be happy to see you. ... Oh wait, That's my dog. My dog does that."