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Joke of the Day

"*tattoo parlor* ARTIST: What do you want? ME: Surprise me *He tattoos the word 'hiccup'* ME: Why did y- ARTIST: BOO! *the tattoo disappears*"

"Lots of people cry while chopping onions. The trick is to not form an emotional attachment."

"Hillary Clinton's biography is a fable... ... because the main character is a bitch."

"I sat down and watched this movie with Nicolas Cage the other day... We talked through the whole movie and he is actually a pretty cool guy."

"My girlfriend and I decided we aren't ready for a baby yet, so I double-bagged it. It worked; babies cannot breath through two layers of plastic shopping bag."

"Woops! Accidentally hit ""reply all"" when I only meant to tell one co-worker to kill himself."

"Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat-belt"

"What do you call a paper crane folded by a prositute? Whoreigami"

"My girlfriend said to me ""as a young boy, was your mother very strict with you"" and I said ""let's make one thing absolutely clear..."" ""My mother was never a young boy."" Tim Vine"

"The flying V Why is it when ducks fly in a V one side is longer. More ducks on that side."