11997

Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend and I decided we aren't ready for a baby yet, so I double-bagged it. It worked; babies cannot breath through two layers of plastic shopping bag."

"So I ruined the employee barbecue yesterday. My boss wouldn't stop grilling me about it."

"Scots vs English Why do Scotsman wear kilts? Cause sheep can hear a zipper at 50 yards. Why do the English wear trousers? Cause goats are deaf."

"This girl reckons she met me at the vegetarian club But I've never met herbivore."

"Oh I thought you said VANILLA folder. Haha classic mix up. Seriously though take your folder it's melting."

"Aragorn: If I can protect you, I will. You have my sword Legolas: And you have my bow Gimli: and my axe Steve: and my 439 Twitter followers"

"What's green, slimy, and smells like bacon? Kermit The Frog's fingers."

"[Request] Best One liners I just want to hear some of the best..."

"It's green but when you press a button it turns red. A frog in a blender."

"My girlfriend is: - super sweet - light as a feather - pink - melts in my mouth when I eat her - always at a circus - possibly cotton candy"