57586

Joke of the Day

"sorry I had to unfriend you on Facebook after you accepted my Facebook friend request one second after I sent it to you at 3 in the morning"

"When my wife starts to sing.... When my wife starts to sing I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on."

"How do blind skydivers know when to pull the cord? ..The leash goes slack"

"Kim Khardasian and Kanye West named their children North West and Saint West. But to prove I'm a worse parent... I plan on naming my children...Kim Khardashian and Kanye West"

"Did you hear about the guy who was frozen to absolute zero? Don't worry he was OK."

"How many pretty girls are there at a monastery? Nun."

"Yo gurl is your dad in prison? 'cause if I was your dad I'd be in prison."

"If laziness was an Olympic sport... I would be fourth so I wouldn't have to step up on the podium. Edit: too lazy for dictionaries, thanks /u/ReddSpy"

"I got a puppy for my ex. Fair trade."

"Why don't tampons talk to maxi-pads? Because they're stuck-up cunts."