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Joke of the Day

"If laziness was an Olympic sport... I would be fourth so I wouldn't have to step up on the podium. Edit: too lazy for dictionaries, thanks /u/ReddSpy"

"I figured out why new mothers are so tired. Having kids really takes a lot out of you."

"I'd like you to meet my family, my wife Sharon, my son Carl, and this balloon that follows me around"

"Two budgies sitting on a perch One says to the other: can you smell fish?"

"Did you hear about the cannibal lion? He swallowed his pride."

"A woman who's husband died is called a widow, what do you call a husband who's wife died? Lucky"

"Why is sex during a camping trip so exciting? It's in tents."

"Boss: Why weren't you at work last week? Me: Why are you living in the past?"

"I think the professor wants us to skip most of this essay Or maybe I'm just jumping to a conclusion."

"[Jesus is resurrected after 3 days] Mary Magdalene: I KNOW YOU SAW MY TEXTS"