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Joke of the Day

"""Pick a lane! Any lane!"" - I hate commuter magicians."

"How do you make a dead baby float? Nail a piece of styrofoam to its head."

"Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will track you down... You have my Word."

"Why did the computer programmer put his brownies back in the oven? They were too GUI."

"Always a metermaid never a meter"

"It's not a real twitter addiction until you look up from your phone and you've missed your exit by 37 states."

"What do you call five black people having sex? A threesome."

"Political opinions are like assholes If yours shows up in my Facebook feed I will probably block you"

"I like my cream like I like my slaves. Whipped"

"So I met a Jewish girl at the bar last night... [NSFW] She asked me for my number so I wrote it on her arm. Haven't heard from her since..."