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Joke of the Day

"The difference between your husband and your Netflix account is, over time, your Netflix account learns what you like."

"Thanks, I wrote the tweet. There's no need to reiterate it back to me with quotation marks."

"Since I can't afford porn, I just turn on tennis and shut my eyes."

"Take her down to 3000 feet below sea level... ...oops, wrong sub."

"Why is acne better than a catholic priest? At least acne waits till a kid is 14 to come on his face."

"Impressing the McDonald's drive thru people with my music is always a top priority"

"""I've got cat-like T-Rexes"" Don't you mean cat-like reflexes? *Tyrannosaurus pounces on you*"

"(Star Trek Related) What do Worf and Jadzia like to do to relax? Netflix and Trill!"

"I like your name Thanks I got it for my birthday"

"[Cannibal Restaurant] Waiter: Need anything else? Cannibal: No, I'm stuffed. I can't even finish this. Could I get a body bag?"