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Joke of the Day

"Thanks, I wrote the tweet. There's no need to reiterate it back to me with quotation marks."

"It's only a restroom if you fall asleep in the stall."

"I got arrested today I got arrest today, apparently you aren't allowed to do doughnuts within 200ft of a school zone... the frosting worked as great lubricant though"

"If your girl tells you ""Deeper!"" and that's all you got, just start reading poetry."

"""I see,"" said the blind man... As he picked up his hammer and saw."

"""Wanna hear a chemistry joke?"" ""Na, man, I'm good."" ""Wow, you didn't have to get salty over it."" (Chemically inaccurate but who cares, right?)"

"hey girl are you my ceiling fan because i'm pretty hot but also too lazy to get up and turn you on"

"I hate it when celebrities ask me to donate to some fund, you make 30 millions a movie & I make $30 a day. You send money."

"Placing my signature wherever i go. Because, signature move!"

"What's cooler than being cool? Financial Stability *shoutout to /r/personalfinance*"