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Joke of the Day

"Wife : don't forget to pick up the kids at the school Me : why"

"When buying a new bed, don't be too quick to make a decision You've gotta sleep on it."

"People don't approve when I run up to them in the street & try to make plaster casts of their faces. At least that's the impression that I get."

"Can't wait to get off work, then I can finally stop staring at this damn computer, and go stare at a different computer."

"My fish can breakdance. But only for five seconds, and only once."

"When in doubt, ignore an unknown number on your mobile, never hit Reply All, and always wear clothes when you step out of your house."

"OK THERE. DID I PASS YOUR STUPID SOBRIETY TEST YET? Cop: Sir, you're still laying on the ground where you fell down."

"Isis have just started making explosive prayer mats In their first quarterly report they said that prophets were going through the roof."

"The Men's Room... where all the dicks hang out."

"Why was the big hairy two-headed monster top of the class at school? Because two heads are better than one."