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Joke of the Day

"How do you castrate a guy from Kentucky? Kick his sister in the jaw."

"Multiple reports claiming Sting has been kidnapped The Police still have no lead."

"<a pigeon with a message lands on my arm> NEW ARM WHO DIS"

"Can someone go to the gym and work out for me? I'm trying to finish this pint of ice cream. Thanks"

"When I get real bored I like to drive down town and get a great parking spot then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving."

"So a 400 pound lady walks into a gas station to get directions.. she walks in and says ""How do I get to 280?"" A man steps out of line and replies ""I guess diet and exercise didn't work!"""

"What's the difference between a girl with herpes and a leather shoe? If you had to, you could eat the leather shoe."

"Tom has no legs Who's that running? Not Tom"

"[hitting a beach ball back and forth with son] *accidentally hits it over his head and into an outdoor concert* ""don't bother son, its gone"""

"Bruce Willis overdosed on Viagra before comitting suicide He died hard"