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Joke of the Day
"Bobby Flay's sister is pretty big in the dessert game too. Sue Flay."
Next Joke
"doc: ""your dad's been in a coma for 9 days, we're running out of ideas"" me: ""let me try"" [goes to adjust thermostat] dad: [opens one eye]"
"Just want to thank my mailman for delivering my recycling directly to my house."
"I won my first cage fight last night... Fucking Parrot didn't know what hit it."
"My girlfriend thinks I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet."
"Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because he's a fucking creep"
"I'd like a job cleaning mirrors Because it's something I can see myself doing"
"If you walk up to me with a plate of food and say ""Matt?"" My name will always be Matt."
"For parents of small children, weekends are about as relaxing as showering with cats."
"What did the first airplane engine say to the second airplane engine? ""Are we there soon?"" ""Not jet."""