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Joke of the Day

"My GF is like my treasure... I buried her in my backyard yesterday."

"What did the doctor say to the angry midget? ""I'm going to ask you to be a little patient."""

"Two old men sitting on a porch... There is a dog licking himself in the front yard. One old man says to the other, ""Man, I wish I could do that."" The other replies, ""That dog would bite you."""

"For the past month I have woken up to find hundreds of flowers with no heads all over my doorstep, garden and drive. I think I'm being stalked."

"Dropping the bass So my friend tells me she respects people who play the bass. I reply with the following: ""the only bass I like is the base that drops."" Tell me Reddit, tell me I'm hilarious."

"Here's a joke I've been working on: Q: What did the husband say when he returned home and found that his wife is missing?"

"Who's your dad's cousin's cousin's daughter to you? A potential Tinder date."

"What is the gayest food? Indian food. It tears your ass apart :("

"I was trying to form a club for eunuchs at my high school... But there weren't enough members."

"what does 'B' in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for ?"