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Joke of the Day

"I hate being a depressed atheist. Nothing to live for. Nothing to die for."

"[interview] ""I'm not sure your experience is sufficient for this position."" me: Trump is president ""Touche, you're hired"""

"*catwoman struggles into suit* *catwoman realises she needs to pee* *crie*"

"Every time I get a birthday card with money in it, I pretend not to notice the money and ""read"" the card."

"My dad caught me masturbating the other day. He said ""son, you'll go blind"" I said ""dad, I'm over here"""

"Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic."

"Did you see saw? I saw Saw. You see Saw II? I saw Saw II too. Going to see Saw IV? I didn't see Saw III, what am I going to see Saw IV for?"

"Nobody ever explained similes to me; I honestly cannot tell you what it has been like."

"What does gasoline taste like? I don't know, I'm in a coma."

"Theirye're, problem solved."