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Joke of the Day

"This morning I called work and told them I came down sick with Anal Glaucoma. And I couldn't see my ass making it in to work today."

"Did you hear about the fortune teller that... Had bad breath, calluses all over his body and couldn't win a fight? He was a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed with halitosis."

"Is it whisky? Two Chinese men break into a Scottish Distillery. One turns to the other and says ""is it whisky?"". His accomplice turns to him and says ""yes! But not as whisky as wobbing a bank""."

"My New Year's resolution is 1920 x 1080!"

"There are no limits to my perfection a monkey was thinking while looking at a human."

"What do you call a line at a Vietnamese restaurant? A pho queue"

"Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down."

"A man died in a tragic skydiving accident. Some say he left an impact on the world."

"How do you make a cat go ""Woof!""? Soak it in petrol and put a match to it. (This is a joke, not and instruction, Reddit)"

"FIRST MONSTER: I'm going to a party tonight. SECOND MONSTER: Oh are you? FIRST MONSTER: Yes I must go to the graveyard and dig out a few old friends."