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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself? One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan."

"Me: I need to know what your office drug policy is. Him: No drugs. Me: Got it... Do you consider the parking lot to be part of the office?"

"Did you know there is a Virus that turns fruits into vegetables? It's called AIDS."

"How can you tell the difference between a Fleshlight and the porn star it was modeled after? Rubber clit..."

"What did J. Robert Oppenheimer say after inventing the weedwhacker? ""I am become death, destroyer of weeds."""

"Real confidence I was asked to write an essay of about 300 words on confidence I wrote - ""THIS IS REAL CONFIDENCE AND SUBMITTED IT"""

"I'm really looking forward to the next stop on my Mediterranean cruise. The captain said we're just a few clicks out from Harem Bay."

"In the news today What do Aaron Hernandez and Edward Snowden have in common? They're both expatriots (expatriates)."

"If you hit people hard enough with a tennis racket they turn into waffles."

"Everyone's unique! For instance, I like milk in my coffee, but other people are dying of malnutrition."