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Joke of the Day

"Me: I need to know what your office drug policy is. Him: No drugs. Me: Got it... Do you consider the parking lot to be part of the office?"

"I'm sorry I'm late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the fuck he was protecting his eyes from."

"Why did Bill Cosby go to Japan with a bag of roofies? He had Jello fever!"

"One time I saw a biker's funeral procession and realized even dead people are cooler than me."

"This milk is so far past its expiration date that I'm only going to have a small slice."

"I giveth, and I taketh away. Why? Because I recycleth."

"Being a baker is a great side-job... ...especially when I knead the dough."

"A wise Chinese man once said, ""If a dog barks it's undercooked"""

"Patient ""Doctor, I've broken my arm in several places"" Doctor ""Well don't go to those places."""

"If you call someone from Alaska an Alaskan, someone from Texas a Texan, and Iowa an Iowan; what do you call someone from Utah? A Mormon"