55479

Joke of the Day

"I was going to tell a Voldemort joke.... But everyone already nose it."

"What did the pastor say when his blanket rose up from his bed? ""Holy Sheet!"""

"YOU MUST ENJOY THIS FOOD! It's a required taste."

"Knock knock... Who's there? Smell mop. Smell mop who? (Wait for inevitable groans) Courtesy of my boss, lover of lame jokes."

"How do you turn a bunk bed into two regular beds? You debunk it."

"Studies show that Kangaroos can jump higher than a house. Then again, houses can't jump at all."

"[vet school] ME: Welcome, students. Hope you brought textbooks because- [spins cat on finger like basketball] -I have no idea what I'm doing"

"5-year-old: Why is there a baseball bat under your bed? Me: In case there's a burglar. 5: Me: 5: Why do burglars like to play baseball?"

"Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said ""You're a lot like a math exam."" I replied ""Why? Because I'm long and hard?"" She said, ""No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."""

"They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says ""Eating Doritos""."