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Joke of the Day

"Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said ""You're a lot like a math exam."" I replied ""Why? Because I'm long and hard?"" She said, ""No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."""

"My girlfriend got gang raped by a group of mimes... They did unspeakable things to her."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it."

"I had a job interview today, the interviewer asked me where I saw myself in 5 years. Luckily, I have 2020 vision."

"The only time I'm like ""maybe god is real"" is when I'm eating really really good nachos."

"My buddy just got a supercomputer. Thing's about as big as a room. That shit Cray."

"What do you call a cow that gives no milk? An udder failure."

"My friend recently started a career as a hitman... I hear he's making a killing."

"I found a way that will get you naked in seconds It'll knock your socks off"

"The part of the Harry Potter movies that I found most unbelievable was that mostly unsupervised teenagers never had wild keg parties."