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Joke of the Day

"[vet school] ME: Welcome, students. Hope you brought textbooks because- [spins cat on finger like basketball] -I have no idea what I'm doing"

"a sociologist finally solved the mystery of why men tend to die earlier than their respective wives they want to."

"my brother turned 30 this weekend and i'll never forget what mom said when dad told her we're growing up too fast ""they're eating dog food"""

"If a stork brings white babies and a crow brings black babies, what brings no babies? A little Swallow."

"What is a pirate's favorite letter?"

"What did the dragon say as he entered the party? Hey, how are you *Alduin*?"

"Last year I felt miserable and depressed, but now I turned that around.. Now I'm depressed and miserable"

"If Jesus is the Lamb of God? Does that mean mary had a little lamb?"

"Did you hear about the failed Origami shop? If folded."

"Every time I go to get an HIV test, I'm convinced it's going to come back positive And every time, I'm right."