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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy who thought he performed brain surgery on himself? Turned out, it was all in his head."

"What do you call a dinosaur with an English degree? Thesaurus."

"Put your family down and pay attention to your phone."

"""One mans trash, is another mans treasure"" I guess thats a good way to say that your girlfriend is a whore..."

"When I'm texting, I start typing faster when i see you're typing too. Oh, IT'S ON!! #amazingrace"

"Black actors boycott Oscars... No slave or MLK movies this year."

"What do you call a fat psychic... ...a psychic you fat shaming cunt"

"Man! It's raining cats and dogs out there! *MEEEW* SPLAT! *AARFF* SPLAT! Did I close my sunroof? SON OF BITCH!"

"""OK...that Trust Exercise didn't go exactly according to plan. Once we dispose of the bodies let's keep quiet about this...AS A TEAM!"""

"The hot chick I hooked up with last night must be a Berny Sanders fan... Because when I went to go pee, I could feel the burn."