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Joke of the Day

"When I'm texting, I start typing faster when i see you're typing too. Oh, IT'S ON!! #amazingrace"

"With trump being a potential candidate I feel like the Simpsons are sitting on their couch watching an episode of us"

"Where does Hillary Clinton eat at to appeal to Asian voters? Pander Express."

"My son is a real hand full. I didn't have any tissues handy."

"A poem about bugs: If it can fly, it should die."

"Joe sent me to John this morning... Boy was that meeting complete shit!"

"I wanted to tell you a FedEx joke... But there was already one yesterday, and I don't want you to get FedUp."

"So excited for the season finale of America I hope there's another season though..."

"On this Fourth of July, just remember... He who comes forth with a fifth on the Fourth, may not come forth on the Fifth."

"All I want from Uber is to be driven around until I fall asleep, carried over the driver's shoulder into my home, and tucked into bed"