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Joke of the Day

"Tummy REALLY hurts. I guess that's what I get for being extra careful of diseases! (Coating all foods/drinks in Purell)"

"Did you hear about the woman who hotboxed her burqa? She got stoned"

"Why is there no Mexican olympics? Because everyone that can swim, run and jump is already across the border."

"I relate to #PizzaRat because if I found a slice of pizza as big as a car you can bet I'd try my best to take that thing home."

"How does a gay forester calls his diary where he keeps account of all his affairs? A heath ledger"

"Average Guy: [writes her a song] Girl: ""Yeah, whatever."" Hot Guy: ""Sup."" Girl: ""Oh my god, you're so creative!"""

"I should have gone to see the optometrist I can't anymore"

"How is a librarian like a sex addict? Their favorite past time is between the covers."

"If you were receiving a shipment of very rare, very special insects, would it be... Import Ant"

"Guy tip: If your girlfriend has a really annoying friend, don't tell her how bothersome she is or to stop being friends with her. Just casually mention how attractive she is."