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Joke of the Day

"Guy tip: If your girlfriend has a really annoying friend, don't tell her how bothersome she is or to stop being friends with her. Just casually mention how attractive she is."

"I'm boycotting terrorism From now on I'm drinking all of my whiskey neat, no more ISIS"

"What did Jean-Luc Picard say in frustration to the incompetent Singer repairman? Make it *sew*!"

"There's only one kind of humor in Africa... Dry humor."

"There are 2 kinds of people in this world: 1. People who aren't good with numbers"

"Once you go lesbian, sometimes you go back."

"Don't be racist; be like Mario He's an Italian plumber, made by Asians, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, runs like a black man and grabs coins like a jew."

"Co-worker: Did you see that play in the Super Bowl? Worst decision ever. Me: Really? Aren't you married?"

"Where is your 1,000 word essay? ""Right here"" *pulls out selfie* That's a picture... ""A picture is worth 1,000 words"" *becomes valedictorian*"

"My friend and I were hiking... Me: ""That's a huge rock over there!"" Him: ""Boulder."" Me: **""That's a huge rock over there!""**"