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Joke of the Day

"When you complain about dropping your phone remember that there are people who are starving who'll totally make you another one."

"According to the bloodwork I had done at my doctor's office, I'm 12 percent cake."

"Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle? It wants to keep it's Stockholm!"

"What is the opposite of pro? Con. What is the opposite of progress? Congress."

"Wow thank you so much for whistling at me, guy in Walmart. I've never felt more beautiful."

"Nothing says defeat than deleting your own tweet."

"Management tip: 1) Slam phone down, 2) Grab briefcase, 3) Stomp out while mumbling about ""always having to fix things,"" 4) Sleep in car."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Aitch ! Aitch who ? Bless You !"

"The barman says, ""We don't serve time travellers in here."" A time traveller walks into a bar."

"My SO told me she had never heard of Einstein's Theory of Relativity before today. I said, ""It's about time!"""